It's Getting Hard...

Last night, I listened to my mom on the phone tell me about a few hardships she's been having for the past few months. I felt that since I always call her for support that if she needed someone to talk with...just to vent...someone other than her husband who is going through the struggle with her...then I should be that person. Why shouldn't I be that person to listen to my mom...she always listens to me...

Last night, she told me about how tight money was getting at home. I felt so useless, impotent. I felt like there was nothing that I could do to help out. I have no job, I'm a full time student in Florida and I'm attempting to go to summer school to graduate early. It just hurt my heart that I couldn't say or do something that would miraculously clear up the mess that seemed to have my family engulfed, wrapped...

Last night, my mom made me realize how good God has to be. Although she didn't mean to call me and vent...it just sorta happened...she said,"But we're gonna be okay...cause when one door closes, God opens another one." That's all she said...I just sat there in awe and thought, "You are so one of the bravest ppl in the world. To deal with the situation as it is and still see the brighter side." I noticed that I too share that same trait, that same characteristic. I always attempt to see the brighter side of things,"God has this thing under his control. Whatever happens...its for my good. You just need to figure out what that good is." I always tell ppl that...so why couldn't I have told myself that last night while I was in pain?

Last night, I didn't realize that I'm a lot like my mother when she made that statement to me. It took my Freshman sister, Karis Chandler, to minister to me that we were a lot alike and that God is still in control. Karis, although she's not saved, she's a Christian and wants to develop a better relationship with God. I thank God for her being there for me last night. Clearly, out of the "family" I'm the one that ppl tend to talk to about things...but when you're the "talk to guy" who does the "talk to guy" talk to? Karis...that dang Karis...she's one in a million.

I talked about everything last night. I just prayed (after I got off the phone with Karis and my mother) that God blesses me with a job that I could pay my tithe, give and offering, and send something home to my parents. That's all I want to do. Because I'm not thinking about myself...thinking selfishly...I know God will bless me because of that. Honestly, that's all I want to do. I'm just gonna wait on the manifestation of God to work and clean this mess up. I will look the Devil in his face and tell him,"Nice try, but you're gonna have to do better than that to get my goat. Come at me harder."