It's Getting Hard...

Last night, I listened to my mom on the phone tell me about a few hardships she's been having for the past few months. I felt that since I always call her for support that if she needed someone to talk with...just to vent...someone other than her husband who is going through the struggle with her...then I should be that person. Why shouldn't I be that person to listen to my mom...she always listens to me...

Last night, she told me about how tight money was getting at home. I felt so useless, impotent. I felt like there was nothing that I could do to help out. I have no job, I'm a full time student in Florida and I'm attempting to go to summer school to graduate early. It just hurt my heart that I couldn't say or do something that would miraculously clear up the mess that seemed to have my family engulfed, wrapped...

Last night, my mom made me realize how good God has to be. Although she didn't mean to call me and vent...it just sorta happened...she said,"But we're gonna be okay...cause when one door closes, God opens another one." That's all she said...I just sat there in awe and thought, "You are so one of the bravest ppl in the world. To deal with the situation as it is and still see the brighter side." I noticed that I too share that same trait, that same characteristic. I always attempt to see the brighter side of things,"God has this thing under his control. Whatever happens...its for my good. You just need to figure out what that good is." I always tell ppl that...so why couldn't I have told myself that last night while I was in pain?

Last night, I didn't realize that I'm a lot like my mother when she made that statement to me. It took my Freshman sister, Karis Chandler, to minister to me that we were a lot alike and that God is still in control. Karis, although she's not saved, she's a Christian and wants to develop a better relationship with God. I thank God for her being there for me last night. Clearly, out of the "family" I'm the one that ppl tend to talk to about things...but when you're the "talk to guy" who does the "talk to guy" talk to? Karis...that dang Karis...she's one in a million.

I talked about everything last night. I just prayed (after I got off the phone with Karis and my mother) that God blesses me with a job that I could pay my tithe, give and offering, and send something home to my parents. That's all I want to do. Because I'm not thinking about myself...thinking selfishly...I know God will bless me because of that. Honestly, that's all I want to do. I'm just gonna wait on the manifestation of God to work and clean this mess up. I will look the Devil in his face and tell him,"Nice try, but you're gonna have to do better than that to get my goat. Come at me harder."

MASSACRE: VA TECH

As I sat in the Florida A&M University school of Journalism and Graphic Communications, I went numb. All I could do was blink and wipe away the endless stream of tears that form a river on my face. I watch in horror as students were being carried out of a dormitory one-by-one and sometimes two-by-two. How could one man send an entire classroom in peril? How is it that one may could kill and kill and kill again over and over and over? What were his motives? Was there something the school could have done? Many more questions continued to ponder my mind as I looked at the television screen in dismay.

The Virginia Tech massacre (as it has been labeled) is truly one that I'll never (for as long as I live) forget. I can remember the time and place of which I sat hoping to awake from this terrible nightmare. My heart went out to the families of those slain by the Asian gunman who has since been labeled as a loner. My mind immediately went back to the year Luke Woodam, a Pearl, Mississippi native, killed his parents, his girlfriend, and his girlfriend's bestfriend. I remember it being on the local news and then the national news as "Teenage student kills four and injures others". That was a complete shock...

Less than two months later, the Columbine shootings occurred...I couldn't help but feel drained because of the excitement taking place around me. I kept thinking, "Is my school next...should I just not go to school and try street life? Is education worth being killed for?" I just didn't understand what was taking place and why. Now we have the shooting deaths of 33 people including the gunman himself who committed suicide. What is really going on in the world? Are we living in our last days of struggle...warning does come before destruction.

I thank God for my life being spared...because less than a week ago MY LIFE was in danger. A fight occurred at a Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity house party after two men began to argue. Shots were fired, people fled, and I (along with others) was trapped on the floor under Nikes, Reeboks, stillettos, and other shoes trying to escape with their lives. I just began to pray and ask the Lord to take care of me and those who were at the party with me. Then I hear about this 23-year-old kid firing shots at a professor and his students, a residence assistant, and passer bys attempting to help....

Again, my heart goes out to those students at Virgina Tech who died in a learning environment. I pray for their parents and other family members that they not hold malice in their heart towards the gunman or his family, for it is God's judgment that shall determine his fate. Virginia Tech...keep your heads held high and continue to further your education in whatever it is you want to be in life. Life shall go on...so live yours to the fullest....Godspeed and blessings on your life. Amen.